So the rumour mill rumbles on again in the January transfer “farce”.

 I use the word farce, because there’s probably no truth in 98 % of it. It has become a tool of convenience for our dear players’ agents and club owners alike. If you choose to believe a small percentage of the rumours, however, it would seem conceivable that we could well end up with six (proven) strikers come February.

And that is not including Tony Carr’s up and comings, who are bursting to come through. “What?” say you, Sam? Exactly the same as the summer “farce”! But are any of the “goal scorers” actually all that, as Adrian Durham would say.

Andy Carroll: We all know what Andy Carroll brings to a Sam Allardyce system. He is crucial to the current set up, hence where we are in the table without him.

Goals per games? Not great.

Carlton Cole: In my humble opinion, we would not have been promoted in May 2012 without Carlton. What a final he had. “Always Believe”.

Goals per game? Not great.

Alberto Gilardino: Obviously knows his way around Italy. Very good stats as in, goals per game. Little bit on the short side for Allardyce, as he’s only 6 foot tall.

Goals per game? Not bad.

Lacina Traore: Tall enough for Allardyce. Who knows?

Goals per games: Quite good.

Ishak Belfodil: The same as Traore, to be honest. Hes been about , but not quite happened yet.

Goals per games: worse than me!

Last but not least, Modibo Maiga: I’ve left Modibo until last simply because I can hear you all sighing, “OH NO” HE,S SH*@E.” Yes he is a lot of the time, he looks lazy etc. But Im sure he tries his best. He was just a bad lack of judgement by both the management the scouting staff.

Goals per games: worse than my Nan!

Now, if you look at the “goals per game“ section. There is a definite pattern here.

Is there a goalscorer amongst the players we have or the players we are supposedly chasing? Because, if you total up, the six aforementioned strikers and, their goals-per-game ratios, it looks quite scary…

Total appearances by all six players: 1315

Total goals by all six players:  428

Collective games per goal: 3.072

Where does that leave us, in our quest to becoming a big club? Are we Tottenham in disguise?

My point is this; we are crying out for a fox in the box. A Tony Cottee. The one that got away, Jermain Defoe?

Or, just maybe, the one that hasn’t got away just yet. Why can we not take the gamble on Jordan Rhodes?  Two hundred and fifty senior games, 140 senior goals. That’s a ratio of a goal in every 1.78 games.

Come on Sam, I‘m just a deluded £500-a-week builder! You’re the football science and stat man.

Surely a proven goalscorer that ticks all the boxes, the one you’ve been searching for every week this season, isn’t on Match of the Day. No need for any more excuses. Just thousands of Happy Hammers.

Because we’re really not that far away from being bigger than our massive North London neighbours in the white shirts.

A view from the East.

Kevin Paul