Another weekend, another disappointing result for the Boleyn Boys.

This should be a predicted stating XI post, but I can’t help but digress a little first and discuss last weekend’s game and where we go from here.

Firstly, in a week where Dr Jekyll (I mean Jenks) and Mr Pony tail got a right old ribbing from the fans, did anyone predict Tomkins starting on the bench?

However, the side lined up pretty decently, and we should have been down at London Bridge station by half-time. Instead we fell asleep and the curse of Upton Park returned and we were punished for the umpteenth time this season.

Am I the only one that thinks that Upton Park was built on an old Indian burial-ground? You just can’t make this sort of stuff up, can you?

Obiang was impressive in the first half, self-assured and steady as she goes (Like the Titanic before she sunk). I hope Slav retains him against United.

Lanzini and Zarate were playing like a finely tuned orchestra in the key of F sharp. The encore performance moved to the key of B flat in the second half and rather than a crescendo they whimpered out. Cue Antonia – NOT.

Were you as baffled as I waiting for Antonio get a run, only for him to come on very late in the game? The guy has hardly had touch of the ball all season. I swear someone has made a voodoo doll in the shape of Antonio as the guy is not fated to take more than three steps before the ball disappears anywhere but in front him. How utterly frustrating.

I thought Ogbonna was very good and I really couldn’t see us conceding until I then woke up and realised this is West Ham, of course their is going to be a twist. Mr Reid provided it and the quartet comedy of Laurel/Hardy, Abbott/Costello re-enacted our award winning multi-platinum comedy defending again. Hard to believe we have one of the hardest men to ever play the game in our coaching staff.

Manchester United present a real test for us this weekend.  We are depleted, wounded and desperate for a win. Slav and the team simply must turn things around. The longer you go winless the more it starts to cause emotional scars and wondering where the next win is going to come from. However, this is West Ham, so backs to the wall, we have every possible change of producing something special.

Okay, we have lost Sakho but apart from his tireless work rate, he hasn’t contributed anything of note up front has he? Valencia is another one, he is more athletic and (probably more talented) version of Zavon Hines where a feather seems to knock him over and let’s face it, Valencia has hardly set the world alight in his time in the Claret and Blue, don’t you think?

A bullet header last year and a crackerjack from outside the box stand out. Other than that, stepping on a broken teacup (who does that, and who has a teacup in the bathroom anyway?) falling over nothing except a wayward blade of grass on the pitch, hands waved in the air looking for a foul instead of getting up and chasing the ball are the cherished and fond memories I am having of Mr Clumsy right now.

A West Ham Calamity XI could soon be an interesting article.

I am going to be putting a wish to Santa for a strong striker this January. One that doesn’t have hamstrings or ankle ligaments made out of matchsticks would be really nice. Opposition defenders need to be given a much harder time of it. Right now we might as well put Dean Ashton up front.

Hey, that’s an idea? Doing anything this weekend, Deano?

So, my predicted starting XI would be…

Personally I would like to see Antonio in on the right and Zarate up front, but I just don’t think Bilic is going to do that, nor do I think he will bring Tomkins in for Jenks but he has pulled off some surprising changes this season, so you never know.

What is your predicted starting XI ?

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