This is a lighthearted look at West Ham’s injury list and an XI made up of some of the more unfit, injury prone, woeful and the more unlikely looking footballers to wear Claret and Blue.
But first, what a week of football and it just keeps getting better with the news of Winston Reid’s hamstring injury likely to keep him out for the next six weeks or so.
Could someone please pop down to Sainsbury’s for a packet of Hamstrings and delivery them express mail to Chadwell Heath? I’ll pay.
We also heard that Enner (Mr Bump) Valencia would ‘supposedly’ be in the squad for our game with Stoke on Saturday. And it was something of a surprise to see him feature without suffering another last minute injury by slipping on a banana skin or something!
But now, who remembers this lot? Are these the worst players to play for us in recent memory?
Now how could any West Ham side not include fan favourite and ever present squad member Mr Kieron (I’m a Celebrity) Dyer?
I have to say I was shocked when I saw he made 30 appearances for the club. Mind you, it doesn’t say how many minutes each appearance was! Chairman David Gold once said that Dyer cost the club £6million and by the time he left, had cost the club £10million in wages. Outrageous.
What about Zavon (Baked Beans) Hines. Spent more time on his backside than in a vertical position. I’m surprised he managed to get up those steep stairs in the tunnel without falling. Now playing in the upper echelons for Daggers and Redbridge. Career stats – 22 games, one goal (a good goal, mind you).
I’m sorry to remind everyone but we have to mention poor Belly (I mean Benni) McCarthy. Not a lot of people realise but at the time of his debut at Turf Moor he was nine months pregnant. First game, injured and out for six weeks. Top job, Benni.
Rather than getting himself right, he saw fit to attack a couple of tubs of cookies and cream ice-cream and half a dozen double all beef patties (minus pickles) on a daily basis. No wonder his contract got torn up. Or maybe Benni just ate it?
Titi Camara – oh my god. Was there any other more useless player to wear the claret and blue? Announcing rather sarcastically that he was at West Ham to play and to score. Titi, I hate to tell you but you didn’t score at all and the image of you attempting to run was a sight to behold. Not one of Harry Redknapps finer signings.
Savio Nsereko. Oh dear. Arrested by the coppers after faking his own kidnapping in a bizarre attempt to extort thousands of dollars from relatives. What the? Reportedly costing around £9million for 10 appearances and no goals. What’s going on?
Mido. You know you have problems when a player signs and is only paid £1,000-a-week and accepts it. Nine games, no goals and a penalty miss. Thanks Mido, we’ll miss you.
I am reluctant to put Andy Carroll in here. We all love Andy, even though he can’t see a season out without injury. So there you go, I’ve mentioned him anyway.
Roger ‘The Relegator’ Johnson – Terrible player.
Razvan (Roland) Rat – Just no good really.
Dani (pretty boy with no surname) – Attractive to girls, but could not attract the ball.
Alou (fake an injury to get time off) Diarra.
Emmanuel Pogatetz – Awful player.
Marouane (get a haircut) Chamakh.
Luis (I can’t run) Boa More.
Matthew (I should be better than I am) Upson
Robbie (I blame you for deliberately missing against Wigan) Keane.
Nigel Quashie. I am not even going to start talking about him.
Who else do you think makes this list? Leave your thoughts in the comments section below…